For the longest time last night, I sat on the edge of my bed, with the Lord, talking to Him and remembering moments from my past…
I remembered babysitting for families in my home town as a teenager, I remembered being in love for the first time when I was 16, I remembered being on my own in a dozen cities, but mostly I remembered sinning. Moment after moment came into my head of times where I did or said something that was wrong, sinfully wrong.
Everywhere my mind turned, every memory that came into my head, had a moment of sin attached to it. I don’t know what was going on…but there they were…sins long forgotten, surfacing, like backed-up sewage from an aging cesspool, out of nowhere.
It’s hard, when you’re talking with God, to suddenly come face to face with your failures. There’s no place to hide…there’s no denying the circumstances, and there’s no way to undo past choices, at least not in the “natural.” So I sat there, dissembled and vulnerable…knowing He knew it all already, confessing all those times I chose to sin, repenting again, and telling Him I was sorry for making those mistakes. But where do you go from there.
He sat with me, as those other moments paraded themselves through my head. Finally, I said to Him, “Lord, today I choose You. I am Yours, I belong to You now. Whatever other choices I’ve ever made before, today I choose You.”
Then I took out the anointing oil in my dresser and made the sign of the cross on my head, and my heart, and my hands and knees, saying each time, “Lord I choose you today, I commit my head and heart and hands to you today and forever.”
It was a small ritual, but it gave me a deep peace, as I committed myself, again, to the Covenant we have together.
There was a time when I thought I would never sin again… I’m wiser now, and I’m also grateful for a God who loves me so much He has stayed with me faithfully, through every failure, and let me re-choose, over and over and over…
I pray that you will be grateful to God for letting you have part in what he has promised his people in the kingdom of light. God rescued us from the dark power of Satan and brought us into the kingdom of his dear Son, who forgives our sins and sets us free. (Colossians 1:12-14)
God is the one who began this good work in you, and I am certain that he won’t stop before it is complete on the day that Christ Jesus returns. (Philippians 1:6)
Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. (Galatians 5:22, 23a, 25)