LOVE GOD, LOVE PEOPLE, CHANGE THE WORLD
Hello everyone! I am so thankful for all of the encouraging emails, facebook messages and continued prayers. My body is getting ready for round two of Chemo tomorrow. It is going to be an all day event. I get there at 7:30 and probably won’t get out until around 5pm! It’s like a full time job.
Please, please, please pray that I don’t have the same side effect as last time; 45 minutes after my chemo was done I turned green, very ill and could not keep ANYTHING down, not even water. I was admitted to the hospital for two nights as they gave me IV fluid and my medicine through the IV as well. I had several good days during this 3 week period but several not good days as well. My days are getting worse though L. My nurse is saying, with the amount of disease I had I most likely won’t start feeling better until sometime after my 3rd treatment. As shocking as it sounds, I’m ready for my next treatment. It is discouraging to feel sick and know the chemo isn’t making me feel that way. When on the chemo at least I know what to expect and know that my sickness is due to the medicine (which is killing the cancer) and not because I have cancer. So I am ready for that.
Well, that is the bad stuff, on to the good stuff. Not once during this whole process have I felt like God had given me any indication that I was going to be completely healed from this. He has promised to take care of my family (which he has); promised to get me through this journey (which he is doing); promised to provide for us (which he has); promised to use my sickness to bring Him Glory (which is happening everywhere I look); and promised to draw me and my family closer to Him and each other (Which is happening daily). But, he has never given me a promise of my complete healing. With this sickness, they can treat it, but doctors can’t make it go away. “It always comes back” is what I have heard time and time again. There was only one Doctor that I talked to that said “we always leave room for the unexplainable” (or miracles as I call them ). I have read many scriptures on healing, had many people pray for my healing, but I have never felt like God wanted me to pray for my healing. It didn’t feel like his will. His will was to use this sickness to bring him glory.
So I have aligned myself with his will and prayed that, God would comfort me and give me the strength to endure this as he received Glory from my sickness. Because of that prayer, I have seen miracle after miracle take place as I focused, not on my healing but on Him receiving glory. I have complete faith that God can heal me, but never felt like it was His timing. Never felt that way….. until now!
On Sunday, while at church, I started seeing spots. It got worse and I didn’t feel very good. Then my peripheral vision on the left side started going out, like a white shiny curtain (kinda freaked me out) I called my oncologist and they told me to rush to the ER and get an MRI and make sure I wasn’t having a stroke or that a tumor wasn’t forming on my brain. Again, freaked out. We went to the ER and were preparing ourselves for the worse, knowing and trusting that no matter what, we were in God’s hands and nothing that happens is a surprise to Him.
PRAISE GOD! The MRI came back negative and they told us it was most likely an A-Typical migraine. Migraine symptoms without the headache. I started to cry out of relief knowing God was still in control. Two nights ago, I was dancing with Ethan before bed time and started feeling very weird. The spots started coming back and I didn’t feel good again. I kept reminding myself that it wasn’t a stroke or tumor and asked everyone to pray for extra peace that night. That’s when I started to read… (My own thoughts will be in red)
Safe in the Lord
1 Those who go to God Most High for safety
will be protected by the Almighty.
2 I will say to the Lord, “You are my place of safety and protection.
You are my God and I trust you.” –That says it all.
3 God will save you from hidden traps
and from deadly diseases. –I was needing to know that God would save me from the “deadly” part of this disease
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you can hide.
His truth will be your shield and protection.
5 You will not fear any danger by night
or an arrow during the day. –Fear is the opposite of faith, all we can do is get rid of fear in our life and our faith will increase.
6 You will not be afraid of diseases that come in the dark
or sickness that strikes at noon. –God never promised that we wouldn’t get sick, but that we wouldn’t be afraid of these sicknesses.
7 At your side one thousand people may die,
or even ten thousand right beside you,
but you will not be hurt. – Right here, God spoke to me, he told me, “Though a thousand people may die of Follicular lymphoma, or even ten thousand cancer patients right beside you, YOU WILL NOT BE HURT!!!” This was the first time God revealed to me that this sickness was going to go away and never return!!!!
8 You will only watch
and see the wicked punished.
9 The Lord is your protection;
you have made God Most High your place of safety.
10 Nothing bad will happen to you;
no disaster will come to your home.
11 He has put his angels in charge of you
to watch over you wherever you go.
12 They will catch you in their hands
so that you will not hit your foot on a rock.
13 You will walk on lions and cobras;
you will step on strong lions and snakes. –I took that at its word, but substituted lions and cobras as Cancer and Chemo.
14 The Lord says, “Whoever loves me, I will save.
I will protect those who know me.
15 They will call to me, and I will answer them.
I will be with them in trouble;
I will rescue them and honor them. – all these things I have been doing!
16 I will give them a long, full life,
and they will see how I can save.”
Right here he summed it up. I will have a LONG and FULL life so people can see, through ME how GOD can save!
If all of that wasn’t enough, which it would have been plenty. God FURTHER confirmed what he spoke to me the night before. I was talking to my mother and telling her what God had revealed to me. She started to cry then went on to tell me something that made me cry!
She went on to tell me that some missionaries (I am a little sketchy on the details but the message is what is important) who used to work in Zimbabwe?? for several years and are now working in Trinidad and Tobago??. They went to a church service and someone from the church had a word from God for them. They told them that, “A family who is a dear friend of yours is going through a rough time of sickness, but God is going to deliver that family and it never return!” As soon as they said that that family saw a vision of my family and then me and they knew that word was from God for our family!
God is so faithful to us and now, my prayer is, “Lord, take away this Cancer so I can have a LONG and FULL life so that people may see how YOU SAVE!!!
Thank you all again for your prayers! Please keep me in your prayers tomorrow as I get round two of my chemo and I pray for NO SIDE EFFECTS!!! Keep going after Jesus! He loves you all more than you know and he wants to help you through EVERYTHING you are going through.
It took cancer for me to realize this, but if you could realize that the same God working in me is working in you we can go through this life with no fears and trusting that we are in the wonderful hands of the most high!!!